Going anywhere nice this year?

What do you call yours? Is your van a Rusty or a Humphrey or a Hector or a Hattie? Or are you just a 'don't be silly it's only a van' kind of a camper van owner? Some people are you know. They either never get around to naming their vans or just don't think that vehicles should have names. I'm all for names myself but I do think that the name you choose should mean something. You shouldn't be able to call your van something that either doesn't fit or has no relevance. And just because it sounds cute and your van is cute doesn't wash. If it's yellow you can call it Buttercup. Or if it's painted like a cow. But that's it. My van, Pootle, was so named because he pootles along. There's nothing flash about him and he hasn't overtaken anything for a few years, so Pootle is perfect. It's a Sunday driving kind of a name, with a pom-pom-pom-diddly-om-pom-pom thrown in for good measure.

I used to have a theory that all camper van owners should call their vans after the first place they broke down. The logic was that it would stop you going anywhere crap in that delightful honeymoon period between ecstatic parting of the cash and ringing the AA. And that would improve your life no end. Instead of driving along wondering what that rattle was, you'd spend more time taking the van to places with cool sounding names - just in case.

Camper vans weren't put on this earth to take you to Tescos. Camper vans weren't built to go to Leatherhead. They were made for exploring exciting places with exotic names. So if you've had the misfortune of going to Ipswich or Pizza Hut and have conked out in the car park, that's your own tough luck. You'll be stuck with it forever.

So much better to part with the cash and head somewhere great. Get out the map and drive to a place that sounds absolutely wonderful. It might just be. And don't break down before you get there. Plan your route. Make sure you don't pass through East Grinsted on the way to the ferry.